3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Apparently you make a good broom.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
