He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize