when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
