i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
