dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
