Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
