Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
