I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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