Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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