My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
