halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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