Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
They have beer where we have blood.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
