Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
