I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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