I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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