So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
