she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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