I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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