Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
