Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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