Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
