I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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