Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
