She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
