i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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