Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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