Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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