He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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