he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
