it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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