I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
