he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize