so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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