He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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