he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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