xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
