If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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