I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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