I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
