every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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