Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
