do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
