God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
