I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
