My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
