Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize