I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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