I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
