Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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