Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Randomize
