She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
