My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
