just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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