totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
