Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize