I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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