i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Everyone says I win the strip club
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
