you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
