i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
