so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize