I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
