just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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