I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
