She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
