i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
