Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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