Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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